I have heard of BSF, I have friends who attend and have encouraged me to join for years. But life has always been busy, and there are plenty of Bible study opportunities at my church. So why am I here tonight.
My daughter invited me, that's true enough and she loves it. But I can't say that is what brought me here tonight. Mother became terminally ill in October and I've spent the last year caring for her and I've not been in church for a year, no that's not it either. I'm a preachers kid, who has taught Bible to children for nearly 40 years, why am I in a Bible study about Moses?
I listen to the introductions, I sing the songs. I look around the room and see friends and aquaintances as the regular attendees leave to go to their small groups. I listen to the welcome and the brief synopsis of the program. I listen to the leader tell of her mission, I listen as she shares the blessings of God's love shown to her this week. A room full of christian women, gathered to study the Word of God is a good place to be and yet, in the back of my mind is that opening question... why am I here tonight.
All the ladies rejoin the group for the lecture and with notebook and pen in hand, I listen to the speaker. I remember her saying she would have three topics. The Bible, Moses, and the GPS ( where we are going with this).
The basics of the Bible - God's word, God's covenant, God's instruction, 66 books...
Moses. The best human model in all history. Not a born leader, but a great leader. Not a fast learner, but willing to wait on God. A man of prayer! A man waiting in lonely places for God to answer his prayer. A man willing to be used of God even in his weakness...
GPS. Where are we going? It depends, where are we coming from, and are we willing to commit.
I hear the words that become a blur, where are you coming from? Is your home broken? Are you pulled in every directon by your children and husband? Does your career control your life? Are you lonely, has your spouse recently passed and you're looking to find your place. Do you suddenly have an empty nest and you don't know how to fill your time? What is your brokenness? Are you just worn out? Are you taking yet another Bible study because "that's what you do"? Why are you here?
There is it. In the middle of all those blurred questions, I feel the answer. I'm broken, and worn out, and I need healing. Four and a half years ago, the heart break of a life time left me broken beyond works. I never lost the faith. I love the Lord with all my heart. But I never want to feel that hurt again. I wanted nothing more to be expected of me. So I quit. I quit teaching, I quit studying. I quit trying to grow.
And now, here I am, still broken... and worn out. That's why I'm here in this class tonight. God loves me, and I love Him. And I'm ready to live again. But for me to live, I must serve. And to serve, I must prepare. So regardless of the cost, whatever is expected of me, no matter the pain, tonight I commit to making a difference in my little world.
I want to be the person I was created me to be. By the grace of God I will study, I will seek God's will and I will no longer hide. I will face my fears and serve Jehovah God. And in spite of my brokenness, I commit to being "willing" again. Praying all the time for strength in my weakness.
